Archive for the ‘Technical Communications’ Category

Hierarchical variables

Thursday, April 3rd, 2008

In so many ways, we developed computers and are only slowly learning to organize their power.

For example, we have variables in our FrameMaker documents. These can be set to pop out a value whenever they’re inserted, so if the version of software we’re writing about changes, we can have the right file name or version number in the text.

But what if we were to re-organize, and use hierarchical variables?

These would replace the variable with a condition, and that condition would activate any of the variables under it to have multiple values.

For a condition, defined as version 2.0 or 3.1 or 4.7, a set of variables — like book name, version number, product name, file extension, directory location, copyright — would all change in synchronization.

This is one of those features that should be standard in any application designed for professional use and, quite frankly, don’t most people want to buy those anyway even if they don’t use the extra capacity? In software terms, extra power is slightly longer load times and extra bytes on the disk — no big deal.

WebWorks Help and the MOTW

Monday, March 10th, 2008

Many of you who create online help for your products will run into this problem.

When Microsoft gained world domination sometime in AD 2002, every black hat larcenous computer criminal wannabe started gunning for Windows XP, which had just become the de facto world standard operating system. It’s still on 90% of the desktop machines out there.

Microsoft’s response was a flurry of disorganized activity, since the real problem was Internet Explorer’s habit of loading helpful ActiveX controls and BHOs. You can easily lock up a Windows system with a firewall or combined firewall and new application monitor like ZoneAlarm, but you can do little about a browser that serves as an open door for any malware wanting to impregnate it. Backward compatibility, you know. It’s a legitimate business reason and the purpose of this article isn’t to criticize it.

After the consequent security updates, Internet Explorer took a more rigorous approach to security zones. For the purposes of this article, we’re going to look at one of its most dramatic changes, which was to lock down the ability of the browser to load local HTML files, and secondarily, to cripple those from running JavaScript. If you try to load these pages, you get an annoying yellow bar at the top of the page requiring you to click OK to load the page.

Knowing that this would cause problems for many of us, and not least of all their own systems, Microsoft created a work-around called “Mark of the Web” or MOTW. This is a small token placed in the header between the DOCTYPE and the HTML open element:


<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/html4/loose.dtd">
<!-- saved from url=(0014)about:internet -->
<html>
...

The MOTW format is a HTML comment with “saved from url=”, the number of characters of the URL to follow in parentheses, and then the URL, which can be either a domain, a specific page, or the sneaky work-around of a work-around above which is a generic field.

There are two of these work-arounds of the work-around (WOTW) that you can use. The first allows the HTML to be run in Internet Explorer’s Internet Zone:


<!-- saved from url=(0014)about:internet -->

The second will run the HTML in the Intranet Zone:


<!-- saved from url=(0014)http://localhost/ -->

For an explanation of security zones, see Setting Up Security Zones and How to use security zones in Internet Explorer.

Naturally, there are some problems with MOTW:

  • MOTW pages will not load HTML pages without MOTW.
  • MOTW pages will not load other types of files (PDFs, DOCs).
  • Every page must have the MOTW, which can be time consuming.
  • You have three alternatives (WOTW^2):

  • Build an HTML application instead of HTML files
  • Create a program that launches the browser and feeds it a default page that uses a meta refresh or JavaScript refresh to load the first page of your local site.
  • If you need to link non-HTML files from your MOTW’d pages, link first to an HTML file and use the EMBED or OBJECT tags to place your non-HTML content in that page.
  • It is the last of the three we’re going to focus on here, specifically, how to link to a PDF file from a MOTW-enabled HTML page. PDF files cannot have embedded MOTW, so any link to a PDF file does not work (in that icky way that Internet Explorer now forces on us, where no error message or indicator lets us know the click didn’t work; it’s the computational equivalent of the silent treatment).

    For each PDF file you have, create an HTML file that can EMBED it, following this template:


    <!-- saved from url=(0014)about:internet -->
    <html style="margin:0;padding:0;">
    <head>
    <title>PDF</title>
    </head>
    <body>
    <embed src="test.pdf" width="100%" height="100%"></embed>
    </body>
    </html>

    This will load the PDF inside the HTML window, and not trouble you further.

    Additional resources:

  • Local zone registry fix – edits your registry to allow HTML content in the local zone.
  • PDF embed script – run this script to create an embedding page for all PDF files in a directory
  • Manually merged help on WebWorks ePublisher Pro

    Wednesday, February 20th, 2008

    This blog post is more of a scribble with some valuable information that at least to me seemed hard to find. The short answer is that you follow the instructions in the WebWorks Help 3.0 guide, and do a bit of trial and error to update that format. The slightly longer answer is this list.

    Manually merged help can be created by taking two or more existing help systems (not their source files), and combining them with a little sleight of hand and the aid of a nifty little program called wwhelp5.exe, which is what indexes the content in each help system. Merging help systems allows them to share a table of contents, an index, and a search engine. You might use this approach if you have several projects, and your best customer orders three of them and wants them to share a help system.

    1. Create a new folder for your merged project, and copy every top-level folder which contains content (as opposed to code, a.k.a. the wwhdata and wwhelp folders) to the merged project folder.
    2. Go into one of your top-level folders which contains content, and copy the wwhelp folder, wwhelp folder, and index.html file, and paste them at the root of your merged project folder.
    3. In the root of your merged folder, go into the wwhelp folder, and open the file books.xml in a text editor.
      1. Find xml entries that look like <Book directory=”folder-name” >. Change these entries to point to your top level content folders, relative to the root (if your folder in the root is named EatingCrow, enter directory=”EatingCrow”).
      2. Find the text showbooks=”false” and change it to showbooks=”true.”
    4. In the root of your merged folder, go into the wwhdata folder, open the xml folder, and open the files.xml file in a text editor.
      1. Find xml entries that look like <Document title=”folder-title” href=”folder-pathname” />
      2. Change these to use the correct title (shows up in table of contents) and href to your top-level folders with content, but append this suffix to each /wwhdata/xml/files.xml.
    5. In each top level folder, open the wwhdata folder, open the common folder, and then open towwhdir.js in a text editor. Locate the line that reads { return “” } and replace it with return { “../” }
    6. Open a command window (Start->Run->”cmd”) and type a variation on this command:
      “C:\Program files\WebWorks\ePublisher Pro\Helpers\WebWorks\wwhelp5.exe -wwhdata “C:\path-to-merged-project\wwhdata” -wwhelp “C:\path-to-merged-project\wwhelp”

    That’s it. I apologize for the hasty nature of these notes, but they contain everything necessary to get a moderately experienced WWeP user up and running with this procedure.

    Technical Writing in Transition

    Tuesday, December 11th, 2007

    (Note: This is from User Advocacy blog. We’re publishing it here because it’s cool and we have permission from the author.)

    Summary: Once a necessary part of product deployment, technical writing is slipping to an afterthought. Why that’s happening, and how to re-define technical writing to both overcome it and deliver better value, by experienced technical writer, developer and project manager Chris Borokowski.

    A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.
    -Robert A. Heinlein

    Among technical writers, the state of the profession is a form of contention in itself. Many argue that assuming change is afoot is to knuckle under to the steady stream of buzzwords and fads that make a few venture capitalists rich while everyone else hits the job boards again. A growing faction of otherwise sceptical writers are thinking instead that transition is upon us, and will reward those who adapt.

    To understand this change, we need to track the development of technical writing.

    Originally a bizarre hybrid between psychologist, journalist, and instructor, the technical writer compiled scattered notes written by engineers and converted them into manuals that normal people could read and understand. This allowed the product-buying public to use technology with which they had no familiarity.

    Technical writing through the 1950s and 1960s followed this pattern. Users were expected to have a high school education including some math and science, so much of the job involved explaining specifics in terms of the general skills with which users were more familiar. Gadgets varied widely and so the writer served an essential role, translating engineer complexity into end-user clarity.

    With the transistor revolution of the 1970s, two crucial changes occurred. First, the computer migrated from the machine room to the desktop. Second, high schools got more lenient at the same time users became more acquainted with television media. This new generation were shaped by seeing machines used before understanding the principles behind them, which laid the ground for the interface revolution to follow.

    On the heels of those developments, a second computing revolution occurred in the late 1980s and early 1990s. Both the graphical user interface (GUI)-based operating system and the world wide web took existing technologies and put them to new use. This usage redefined the comput from being being a calculating machine to an information browser. This role shift entailed thinking about interface in user-centric contexts and resulted in both these revolutions.

    Usage exploded since the layperson could now interact with a computer as they would a video game, vending machine or automated teller. This in turn spurred a network revolution. Since the computer was viewed as an information browser, it needed connections to information, so the network became the computer. These influences caused the computer to become increasingly powerful, standardized and ubiquitous.

    The standardization affected technical writing. Digital technology exists within an environment designed by the machine, and it makes sense to have single pieces of software handle functions so commonplace they should be standard. This means that, unlike physical technologies, digital machines have a language of interaction which makes most tasks similar in the actions they have in common.

    Newer generations of users come to expect this standardized language, and that they can pick up a video game, computer program or phone and figure out the basics of its function with a few minutes of play. They may not have the background in physics, math and electronics that previous generations took for granted, but they do not need people to explain standard interfaces.

    Now that the internet age has boomed and rebirthed itself, technical writing struggles to adopt this new role. Complexity has increased, but so has standardization, which means the userbase is well-informed about generalities but not specifics. As the audience has more tasks of a diverse nature, thanks to this efficiency boom, they expect specific knowledge distilled into digestible fragments for quick use. The job of the technical writer is as a result growing and shrinking at the same time.

    What characterized technical writing during the early digital years was what we might call a WTFM mentality, for “write the fantastic manual” (or words to that effect). When software or hardware development was done, the tech writer came in on contract and produced a manual, then vanished from the process except for occasional updates. The task was to produce the manual as the last task before shipping.

    With the change in our society brought by digital technology has come a change in what the fantastic manual might be, both in form and content. In the 1930s, an egg-beater was a separate tool from a mixer; in the 1950s, they were interchangeable attachments to a motorized mixer base; in the 2000s, they are different rotation patterns programmed into a mixing unit which hooks up to the network, serves a web page of usage statistics, and probably stores recipes to boot.

    The way our users read documentation has changed as well. People now are as likely to read the manual on a computer as on paper; in the future, they will be reading it on phones, video screens, e-ink tablets or have it scroll across their forearms in LCD tattoos. Since they know the basics of our networked gadget world, they are less likely to read the manual linearly, and even when not in a hurry they start by looking up terms, skip chapters, and skim.

    Technical writing has adapted with three fundamental changes:

    1. Task-oriented writing. Instead of describing the parts of a system, we walk the user through tasks and explain technical knowledge incidentally.
    2. Single-sourcing. Write-once, read many; we write in small blobs which can be reorganized for online help, web help, printed manuals or marketing.
    3. Plain English/Simplified text. We describe the interface, not theory, using code-like patterns of if-then language and action sequences.

    The first launches users into a technology by giving them a basic task and building on that knowledge. The second breaks writing down into interchangeable blobs, like note cards, that can show up in manuals, online help, marketing and web site FAQs. It granularizes writing and makes it easier for a user looking up concepts in an index to understand them, but removes much of the emphasis on text flow.

    The third simplifies writing into formulaic, code-like language which emphasizes parallelism between different tasks. The first attempt to achieve this, Plain Language, distills the host language into a few thousand words and a few hundred phrases so readers can easily spot parallels between similar actions. The second attempt, Structured Language, rigidly scripts procedures in a logical format that resembles computer code. Although neither has caught on broadly, elements of both have now been integrated into technical writing as practiced at the cutting edge of the industry.

    These modifications to the skill of technical writing since 1987 or so have not changed the basic attitude of the WTFM mentality. Instead, they have prolonged its life by upgrading WTFM instead of changing course. However, to a public increasingly acquainted with the similarities between computer-based tasks, WTFM does not provide the depth of information they need, so instead they buy third-party “power user” books to fill that need.

    The profession is slow to change. Beyond inertia, technical writers have bumped themselves up to a “professional” salary over the past four decades by WTFMing quickly and frequently. If you want to make it big as a technical writer, the theory as popularized in books like “Making Money in Technical Writing” by Peter Kent goes, become a contractor and rush like a fiend to write as many fantastic manuals as you can in a year.

    In the past, that approach worked because much of the manual comprised general introduction or loosely-concealed translation of engineer notes. Changing market information suggests that trend has run its course. When the basics of technology are known, it is easier and cheaper to have an engineer type up notes and hire a college student to format them. As we have made writing more accessible, we as technical writers have become less essential.

    Opportunity for future technical writing exists in the dual role of technical writers. We unlike every other role both understand the product, and see it exclusively from the point of view of a user. The shifting market has provided room for this skill to add value not just to the product, but to the company that produces it.

    Technical writers do not produce income-generating products. We reduce costs by eliminating confusion that would otherwise be kicked along the line to the technical support personnel, and we increase brand strength by making customers more satisfied with their product purchase. On the year-end assessment, there is no way to prove technical writer return on investment. Over the lifespan of a customer however we build loyalty and increase profit margins.

    For most users, technical writing is the first point of contact they have with a product and the experience that defines their perception of the company that made it. After they unwrap the software or hardware and start playing, their first question or doubt will send them to the manual or online help. This first impression of “brand identity” defines what they perceive about the company, how well-organized it is, and how committed it is to its customers.

    A manual or help system that communicates quickly without leaving out vital contextual information, which saves time when problems arise, makes a good initial impression that lasts for the life of the product. Similarly, a product with a quality visual design communicates organization and competence. As the example of Apple computer shows, making products look good, with clean interfaces and quality documentation, creates an initial impression that allows users to overlook other shortcomings later in product life.

    For more companies to gain this brand identity, without having to hire a small army of other people, technical writers can be the deciding factor. Since unlike all other roles in production, technical writers think about the product exclusively from a user-centered perspective, we explain it in the language of the user, and apply our knowledge of user psychology to break down raw information and introduce it in the right order to be understood.

    In production, roles define focus. Programmers concentrate on making the machine produce predictable results. Project managers try to keep the team organized and on schedule. Artists create visuals. Interaction designers script interfaces and study user response. However, there is no role which from product design to completion remains focused on how the users make the technology work to accomplish tasks, except the technical writer, by the nature of our need to explain the product in those terms.

    Here is an unrealized opportunity. We can WTFM and remain in a silo called “technical writing” while growing rapidly less relevant, or we can take on an additional role and make ourselves vital. We would be moving from “one way” thinking of explaining technology to users, to a “two way” view in which we both explain technology to users and explain users to technology. This would make products appear more organized, and raise brand value.

    Our future is cheap information. Already the internet is awash in blogs, newspapers, forums, mailing lists and other forms of information. Where when technical writing began information was scarce, the question now is how to filter valuable information from the flood. The killer app of the last decade has been the search engine, but the weakness of search engines is that they cannot separate the relevant from the irrelevant based on complex criteria. For now, it takes a human to do that.

    Documentation has become omnipresent but universally criticized because most of it is not helpful. One reason for this is that the technical writer usually has minimal input back up the chain of command, so when they encounter something unexplainable or illogical, there is no recourse but to document vaguely. Even more, since the WTFM mentality encourages employers to pick up a technical writer at the end of the project only, most technical writers find themselves sitting down for two weeks with a product before they have to start making reams of text, and quality is affected.

    In the cheap information future, that kind of documentation is less worthwhile. The generally bad quality of documentation which came with software in the 1980s and 1990s spurred a huge market in “best practices” books, most notably from O’Reilly and Associates, which described not only how to use an application but how to use it well. They gave more information than manufacturers would by assuming users would be more aggressively seek power users tasks, and that teaching all users best practices would not leave any in the dark.

    To compete in a future of cheap information, we need to change our role in two major ways:

    1. Best Practices. We must champion “best practices” user-computer interaction by emphasizing the most powerful, not simplest yet leaves out details, way to do a task.
    2. User Advocacy. As part of our “two way” communication between user and product design, we must not only explain product to the user, but explain user to the product and the team that makes it.

    Every software product lies between two points: the people using it, and the goal of using it. A word processor exists to get its target audience to be able to accomplish a range of tasks without significant confusion and frustration. Not surprisingly, word processors come in different flavors for different levels of experience and specialization.

    User advocates want to simplify and make more effective every product we touch, and produce simpler and more effective documentation for it. Our goal is to destroy confusion and ambiguity. We’re also UI creators, but too ofen, UI design is contingent upon quality product design — if the product is coded around the wrong processes for its intended use, or its design is ignorant of common methods, it will be awkward to use in the way it is most commonly used.

    In this new role, we’d be part journalist, part communicator, part trainer, part project manager, and part interaction designer and user advocate. This is to the benefit of writers, as we get to spend the entire product development cycle getting to know it and get a more justifiably necessary and lasting role, and companies, as they get several roles in one.

    The best technical writers I know are the ones who happily roll up their sleeves to dive into an unknown situation and get dirty. They are word warriors with the goal of saving that user who at midnight, with something done by dawn, needs to read one paragraph, understand it and move on so she can return home to her family. These technical writers are commandos in planes far above the earth, grabbing their laptops and chutes and leaping out the roaring open door.

    This aspect of technical writing will never change. To enjoy confronting the baffling, making it clear, and teaching it to others is the eternal personality type of the person who will become a technical writer. Where this will change, in our new user advocate sense, is that we will do so over the life of the product and will channel information in both directions.

    The flip side of this change is that we can also become a part of the development team that ensures the interface is consistent, the application works from a user’s point of view, all of its parts work correctly and the experience confronting the user is one they will want to return to. We will be instrumental in communicating application to user, and user to application. This is an indispensible, professional role, while showing up to WTFM on contract no longer is.

    Support for this idea has come from those trying to make development more efficient. Steve McConnell (author of Code Complete) proposes early draft user guides as a replacement for requirements specifications. Many startups use writers from inception to document internal methods and procedures, and in the process have employed them as software testers, quality analysts and even interaction designers because of their dual specializations as experts in the software and advocates for its users.

    The future for technical writing may be bright, and also dark, as any transitional time must be. We have to let go of the old, and make a big push to accept the new, and then we will find ourselves in a better place. When we do this, we will be able to fit into the future needs of our industry and market ourselves more effectively, creating a longer-term role for our profession.

    What is technical writing?

    Monday, September 24th, 2007

    Technical writing should be understood as a subset of technical communication, which is the art and science of organizing linguistic symbols to communicate technical concepts and procedures to an audience we cannot assume has previous knowledge of the task.

    The technical writer, like an instructor in a classroom (another type of technical communicator), attempts to preserve knowledge by recording it in steps and explanations that can apply in almost any context. Technical writers distinguish themselves by being able to remove themselves from a specific knowledge context, understanding what an archetypal user will not know, and then communicating it to them in an organized flow of knowledge that creates the correct hierarchy of concepts in their minds so they can learn it.

    An archetypal user, not an “average” user, is an abstraction composed of all the instances of a user trying to understand what the writer has written. This user can be a PhD or a moron, but in both cases, they benefit from having assumptions about their knowledge managed, and as a result, having technical concepts introduced in such a manner that the cumulative knowledge required is built from fundamental principles outward. This enables them to both follow a numbered instruction list, and learn from it.

    From those basic definitions, we can assemble a laundry list of technical writing qualifications:

    Technical writing is the art and science of passing on information about technology. From that very basic definition of technical writing, we can understand more. Technical writing is also the ability to produce manuals, release notes, user guides, online help, query response strings, error codes, and user interface design.

    Technical writing combines the art of writing, or using language efficiently and interestingly to communicate clear meaning, with an understanding of the psychology of humans, including our users. We are more like elementary school teachers than copywriters, but we have the skills of both, as well as skills in technology, page layout, and interface design (now ponderously called “interaction design”).

    We are often more like editors than writers, in that we take the words of others, cut out the unnecessary, re-arrange so they can be understood by a newcomer to the process, and then pitch them out the door again. There are similarities to literature in that we, unlike people who are paid to sell products, attempt to describe a process without making it boring.

    Technical writing is understanding how users apply technology and how to explain it to them, but technical writing is also going back to those making the technology and explaining how to make it easier to use for the intended audience. We look at the tasks from a user perspective, which is often called user-centric design or user advocacy. We are the only group throughout the whole of the production process that consistently thinks of how the user sees the product.

    Technical writing combines the skills of a reporter in finding data with the patience of a teacher in dividing up the information into a sequence of bite-sized chunks for people to understand. Technical writing is also a simple skill of page layout and understanding how documents fit together. Although it is often seen as the last refuge of the unemployed English major, technical writing is a pleasant fusion of the liberal arts world and technology.

    From the liberal arts, we take ideas about how to understand other people and communicate with them, and from technology, technical writers take the discipline they use to make every detail of their descriptions accurate. Technical writing is many things related to that skill of explaining technical writing to a wide (not necessarily stupid, not necessarily uninformed, or inexperienced) audience. It is audience compassion and passing along knowledge, which is what teachers, shamans, writers, bards and parents have done for aeons.

    Technical writing is passing along knowledge. Technical writing is sharing. Your experience of technical writing may be a vague or uninformative, overwritten manual, but else, technical writing can be opening up a new world for someone.

    And when done correctly, it can be not just useful but fun for the writer and readers alike.

    Technical Writing Search Engine

    Wednesday, August 29th, 2007

    Google makes some neat stuff, and one of their recent ideas is a Custom Search Engine (CSE) which can be a list of sites by topic. In the spirit of play, I put together a:

    Technical Writing Search Engine

    Let’s see where this goes. I need to add more technical writing sites to it, but I’d like to limit that to those sites that I know provide intelligent information. Too many Google searches return spam, low-quality or plagiarized information, or some clever blogger summarizing what other people said without the vital details.

    Houston places and Technical Writing

    Saturday, June 9th, 2007

    Web geeks like to experiment. One of my ongoing experiments is an attempt to make local areas more useful through the web, since once we’ve connected everything, we find out that (often) what we desire is most relevant to our lives. There is no center to the universe.

    I’ve put up two new items of (possible) interest. The first is a list of the technical writing links I’ve found, and a second is a place for the discussion of Houston, TX and fun things to do there.

    Technical writing links

    Houston, Texas

    I hope they benefit someone and cause some joy. If not, they’ll go away shortly. The best part about experiments is being able to sweep away the wreckage, wipe down the lab table, and start again.

    Update: The Houston forum is now a blog.

    Web 2.0 and the Master Science of Philosophy

    Monday, May 14th, 2007

    Jakob Nielsen (and you should listen to this man) tore Web 2.0 a new one today, pointing out that the glam and flash of nifty interfaces has obscured the honest truth: that people using the web don’t use it for its own sake, but use it as a tool for some other purpose, absent that relatively small but vociferous group of basement-dwellers who inhabit the web like an identity.

    I’ve been saying this since 1994 or so, and it has helped me advise clients and friends well. You want to make something people can use for a function you have to offer. If you have no function, either invent one (put out content germaine to your topic) or keep your web presence at the level of a muted hybrid between advertising and a phone book listing. Some people have initially resisted this and later found it meaningful.

    This brings us to the question of philosophy in the indefinite sense, meaning philosophy as a language in the usage that gives us the idea of “a philosophy of” each topic. Is there a philosophy of the web? Well, first there is a language for discussing the web in the sense that philosophy excels at, which is describing the invisible but structural connections between ideas. Anyone can describe a widget. A theory of widgets that connects use to design? Rare.

    After we stumble around with more verbiage about whether a philosophy is the philosophy, and the many types of philosophy and their possible appeals, we come to an end of the line of thinking, as must always happen when we leave our minds to make things work in whatever shadow of The Real World we manage to inhabit. The web is made to be used. Similarly, in my view, philosophy peaked with the ancient Greeks because all of their theory aimed toward what we might idealize as “common sense,” but really was plain arguments for making life better through systems of thought.

    There will undoubtedly be a seesawing argument over Web 2.0 in the coming days, in which one side will say Web 2.0 is style over substance, and the other side will claim it is the second coming of Christ. All I can say is that for me, what matters is connecting a target audience to a function that makes their lives better. If Web 2.0 helps, as it does with Gmail, I’m all for it. But if an earlier technology works better, I won’t shirk from that either.

    Recently I switched back to 1970s technologies for email. I use Mutt on a UNIX box, without the benefits of GUI or really any extended function, and I like it because it requires deliberate usage. Keeping track of friend’s emails and aliasing them is an active process. Sending an email requires thinking about each step deliberately. And there’s no glam and flash in the background. Like design itself, usage must match form and function some master science of philosophy that describes the context of usage itself — a thing often known as “life.”

    When Microsoft Word ruled the world…

    Wednesday, May 9th, 2007

    It is the year 2010.

    A grey haze covers the landscape of shattered buildings and battered industrial wreckage. Distant
    gunfire can be heard with the erratic cadence of chirping birds, which are now extinct.

    It started so innocently.

    The dominant word processing program of the day, Microsoft Word, had always been accused of “feature creep.” Each time a new paradigm or trend made the rounds at the Microsoft coffee bar, it got added to Word. It was innocent at first, with HTML and e-mail functions and some formatting, but eventually it got out of control.

    Word became a structured documentation single sourcing authoring tool (sdssat) and then expanded into CAD, social networking, and TCP/IP diagnostics. At this point, it commanded seventy percent of the worldwide market… and it kept growing. Soon it had a 3D
    shooter, a database engine, and became a full development environment. Shortly after that, video and still image editing. Within two years, all software as we know it ceased to exist. Every function of a computer was a plug-in to Microsoft Word, even the operating system, code-named Microsoft Genghis.

    Software developers were known to suicide when their Word licenses expired, knowing that they could not work until they spent 72 hours on hold with the Microsoft helpline. As Word expanded into tax preparation software, personal budgeting and stock management, they would lose their life’s savings in an afternoon if the license key expired or a pirate copy of Word (now totalling 16 TB of data) was found in the neighborhood. People stopped watching television and spent their time with the Live Channel content in Microsoft Word.

    As the situation got worse, government first became helpless, and then was simply swallowed as it became another Word plug-in (MS Total Control). From space, it seemed a grey cancer had reached out with its tendrils and infiltrated every continent, every single aspect of life on earth. The parking meters ran on Microsoft Word. The Space Shuttle was controlled by the Word spellchecker. The President was created by Word’s 3D character animator. All human life was
    enslaved.

    Unit TD321-M, stumbling over the broken concrete of a radioactive wasteland, took a momentary pause. “Base Camp, this is TD321-M, taking aspiration break.” The smoothly synthesized voice responded in even cadence: “You have 21 seconds… 20… 19…”

    TD321-M was a Word technician, like every other employee on the planet, but he was only a Word technician level seven, which meant he was qualified only to sort through debris for metal that could be recycled to feed the MS Word war machine (Word had, a year previous, declared war against Asia and the Middle East simultaneously, since it was more efficient to fight a two-front war if one considered the office supplies costs). “My life is just about over,” grumbled the despondent TD321-M, kicking a large chunk of concrete with a booted foot.

    As the rumble of its rolling exit faded out, he turned around to seek his next target, when the barrel of a rifle blocked his path. “Terrorebels!” he gasped. He seized his radio, “BaseCamp, I–” but was cut off in a blast of gunfire. TD321-M looked down to see his radio in pieces.

    “Come with us, or you’re doomed,” said one of the outlandish figures before him. Dressed in a camouflage of rags and discarded Apple equipment, the terrorebel like his cohorts was filthy and heavily armed. These dissidents camped at the fringes of modern society and struck violently against the dominion of Microsoft Word. Years of warfare had conditioned them to be heartless, and the rumors flying around Microsoft Word of Warcraft had them executing prisoners.

    “I can’t,” said TD321-M. “I’ve got Microsoft Word Media Player implanted in my ear. If I leave the Word empire, I will be remote-detonated.”

    “It’s OK,” said the second terrorebel. “We can install Linux on it, and you will be free from remote
    detonation, unless you get pwned.” He waved to the rear of what TDM321-M now saw was a line of terrorebels. “Hey Gary, we need an installation here.”

    He picked up his rifle. “So long and good luck.”

    “But… where are you going?”

    The terrorebel turned with a smirk. “The great weakness of Word is that it is backward-compatible. We found a wrecked ship on the coast of Indiana, and it had a 1996 computer… with the first known Word macro virus. We’ve found a back way in through the ventilation shafts and we’re going to blow this Word into oblivion.”

    “But when you format the great Word hard disk, what will be left of our society?”

    “Who cares?” said the terrorebel. “I’m so bored with this I could go for living in caves and eating roast sabertooth.” A shout of assent came from the line.

    Gary, a short rotund man who was sweating profusely, had attached two leads to the implanted protrusion in TD321-M’s ear. “All we need to do is TFTP over the new ROM image, and we can bootstrap a LILO hybrid, and you’ll be good as new…”

    It seemed to TD321-M that he had been there for hours. “Oh, please hurry,” he said. “They detonate after two hours of no signal!”

    “That’s probably one hour,” Gary grumbled. “Daylight savings happens at Christmas this year.”

    Suddenly the first terrorebel came running back. “We’ve got the virus in, and Word has fallen! That’s the good news… the bad news is that now spammers are ruling our new technocracy, and we’re late for our required 18 hours of porn watching and Viagra-buying.”

    “Snap out of it man,” screamed another terrorebel. “Can’t you see it’s just a new guise of Word… or whatever evil was Word… that controlled Bill Gates… could it be Satan?”

    “Uh oh,” said Gary.

    “What?” said TD321-M and the terrorebels in unison.

    “Your remote detonator is older Dell hardware. Linux can’t find a driver,” said Gary, putting earplugs in his ears. “There’s nothing I can do until someone codes one up, which isn’t likely since this is an older model. Good luck pal.”

    “Bomb!” howled the terrorebels, taking cover. As TD321-M staggered back over the rocks, he heard a voice in his ear, counting down the seconds of his life, while images of genital extensions, making money fast and discount OEM software scrolled across the
    grey, forbidding sky.